


All In

by Johnstonmara353



Category: The Good Wife (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-25
Updated: 2020-05-25
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:01:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24366961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Johnstonmara353/pseuds/Johnstonmara353
Summary: After winning their case against Stern and the incident in the church, Alicia decides to go to Kalinda. Between Alicia’s aggravation and the excitement of the big win, decisions are finally made.
Relationships: Alicia Florrick/Kalinda Sharma
Comments: 1
Kudos: 27





	All In

All In

Alicia/Kalinda

Summary: After winning their case against Stern and the incident in the church, Alicia decides to go to Kalinda. Between Alicia’s aggravation and the excitement of the big win, decisions are finally made. 

Alicia hadn’t intended to end up at Kalinda Sharma’s home at eleven o’clock at night. Hadn’t meant to even drive in the direction of Kalinda’s neighborhood. She was supposed to be on the other side of town. She was supposed to meet Will at the restaurant, but after all the chaos she had experienced that night, she needed a steady wall. Someone she could fall against without consequence. Someone that wouldn’t judge her. Will would expect things from her that she wasn’t willing to offer. She might have loved him when they were at Georgetown, but she didn’t love him now. And she didn’t need to give him anymore reasons to hate Peter. She didn’t need to concern and loving looks he would give her across the table. She didn’t even want to think about the way she knew he would reach over and try to caress her hand. She didn’t want the sympathy. She didn’t want his pity. She needed someone that was on her playing field. Someone she knew she would always be able to trust. 

Alicia slipped through the door with an elderly couple. Riding the elevator to the fifth floor. When she reached the apartment door she paused. Beginning to wonder if she was doing the right thing. Beginning to wonder if it was too late to go home. She knew it was. She had already phoned Diane before she got out of the car. She couldn’t go home. She knew what would be waiting for her if she did. Peter would ask questions. Would wonder where she had been. Accuse her of being with Will. Having no idea that she would be seeking comfort from their private investigator. Kalinda’s was a safe place. No one knew where she lived. Only she had her new address. Alicia finally took a deep breath and knocked on the door. It didn’t take long before it swung open, revealing a very casual Kalinda. 

Kalinda paused as she opened the door to see her best friend standing in her hallway. Not that she was unhappy to see Alicia at her door, but she was supposed to home with her children. Sh wasn’t supposed to be soaking wet, shaking, and looking more upset than she had ever seen her. Her eyes were puffy and red as if she had been crying. “Alicia?” she asked, the concern on her face was evident. She reached for her friend, but she flinched slightly. It was the first time she was unable to read Alicia Florrick. “Are you okay?”

Alicia opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out. It wasn’t that she didn’t want Kalinda touching her. She wanted nothing more than to fall against her anchor and be held. It was seeing the normally very provocatively dressed investigator was standing in front of her wearing a baggy blue t-shirt and gray sweat pants. She had no makeup on and her hair was thrown up in a messy bun. She looked far less intimidating then when she saw her in the office several hours ago. Alicia just shook her head as Kalinda’s eyes asked her again if she was all right. The truth was, she didn’t know if she was okay or not. She just knew that this was where she was supposed to be. 

Kalinda waved her in, locking the dead bolt behind them. A new habit since Blake had begun sniffing around. Him causing a new fear to run through her body each time she was alone. She guided Alicia to the sofa, taking her coat and handbag and tossing it on the nearest chair. Alicia kept her brief case close to her side. Shaking her head as Kalinda tried to take it from her. The investigator was becoming more and more concerned. Not sure what Alicia had done or what had been done to her. “Alicia, what’s wrong?” she asked, kneeling on the couch. “Did something happen?”

Alicia nodded. A shiver ran through her body as she saw Kalinda’s heart felt concern through her face. She had made a decision in the car on the way to the woman’s apartment. A decision she was refusing to reconsider. Talking to Peter was over. Dealing with all of Peters drama was over. She talked to Diane before she stepped into Kalinda’s apartment building. Told her everything that had happened and told her what she needed her to do first thing in the morning. She knew Diane wasn’t gonna wait until the morning. She was probably on the phone with Will trying to pull him away from dinner to get the paperwork together. Diane didn’t like surprises. She was always over prepared. That was why Alicia had chosen to call Diane instead of Will. “I told Diane to file my divorce papers in the morning,” she whispered, still in a state of shock by the nights events. Still feeling the anger coursing through body. Wanting so badly to take it out on Peter. But that would mean seeing and talking to him. “I’m done.”

If Kalinda was a betting person, she would have never bet that Alicia Florrick would leave her husband. She stood by him through the scandal. She stood by him through the mess with Amber Madison. She never wavered in her dedication to him. Never spoke of divorce. Never even thought about separating from him as far as Kalinda was concerned. And if she had been considering it, Alicia would have told her. Alicia usually told her everything.“What happened?” She was more fearful that Peter had physically hurt the lawyer and she just hadn’t seen the evidence of it yet. That made her mind wonder to Zach and Grace. Where were the kids? And why hadn’t Alicia just phoned her. She could have easily called her with the news. 

Alicia took a breath. It was the first time throughout the entire night she was able to just breath. She could just be Alicia. She wasn’t a mother or wife. She could think. And fall apart and no one would stop her. Kalinda would just allow her to breath. “I went to church with Peter this morning. He left in the middle of service, so I followed him to the basement of the church. He was arguing with a man. Shoving him. He tried to explain what had happened but I had enough,” she said with a little more anger in her voice. As she remembered the nights events, a fresh new wave of frustration and betrayal ran through her body. “Will asked me to dinner. I was leaving the apartment, but Peter chased me into the street, setting off his ankle monitor. I did go back up stairs with him and do you know what I saw?” she asked, watching Kalinda shaking her head. Knowing the answer can’t be anything good. Alicia closed her eyes for a moment, remembering her son lying on the floor hurt. The look of pain on his face. Grace on the phone crying. Telling the police that her father never left the apartment. Begging them to send help for her brother. She remembered kneeling on the floor beside her son. Wanting to take away his pain. Remembering when a simple kiss would heal any booboo. “My fourteen year old son lying on the floor with a busted shoulder and my twelve year old daughter on the phone lying to the police to protect her father.” Alicia shook her head, feeling her motherly instincts suddenly kick in. Feeling a knot in the pit of her stomach. Feeling a sudden need to protect her children. “My children lying to the police to save their half-ass father from going back to prison.”

Kalinda allowed her to vent. Allowed the steam to roll off her. She would handle Peter later. Everything she had on him, everything she had ever witnessed, Kalinda would go to the District Attorney with. She knew far more than people gave her credit for. The investigator knew of all Peters affairs. Knew about every woman he had ever had sex with, flirted with, and gotten a number from. She had records of everything he had done since becoming Alicia’s friend. She placed a gentle hand over Alicia’s offering support. Offering the strength that she desperately needed. But she needed to make sure the children were safe. She needed to know if they needed to get her children out of the house or if they were safe for the night. She cared about Alicia’s children deeply. “Where are Zach and Grace?” she whispered, running a soothing hand down the lawyers back.

Alicia shook her head, clenching Kalinda’s hand in hers. She had made sure Zach was perfectly healthy before she left the house. Made sure Grace had understood what she had done was wrong. She had left Peter thinking she was going to the office. Told him that she had needed time to think before she talked about anything. She really didn’t need any time to think about her decisions. She knew she was going to Kalinda’s and she knew she was gonna call Diane. Alicia just wanted to be away from him. “At home with Peter. I didn’t want to drag them out in the middle of all this. Zach wasn’t feeling well after the skateboard stunt and Grace wanted to be left alone.”

Kalinda was thankful that Alicia had called the firm. Someone needed to know what was happening and they all knew that she wouldn’t be the one to get it from. She never spoke about Alicia to anyone else in the firm. She wasn’t one to spread other people’s business. “Diane’s gonna handle the divorce?” she asked, stroking a hand down her friends hair. 

Alicia gave that typical Alicia laugh. “She is the best,” she sighed, surprised that she wasn’t crying by now. She should be more upset about throwing away almost two decades of marriage. She should be falling away over having to start her life as a single woman over again. But she wasn’t upset. She was frustrated. She was embarrassed to have stuck by such a disgusting man. She as ashamed for not being able to protect her children from the backlash. “She’s the best in high profile custody cases. That’s why I chose Diane.”

Kalinda smiled. She knew all three partners would be involved in the divorce. She would offer all the information she had on Peter. She wasn’t worried about Alicia not getting her children. She was worried that her children would later hate her for it. But she wouldn’t bring that up. The power house attorney looked tired. She looked as if her entire body was ready to give out in front of her. She didn’t want Alicia to leave. Didn’t want to have to worry if she was safe. “You’re welcome to stay here as long as you want. I have a guest room down the hall.”

Alicia smiled. Kalinda still had no idea why she was there. She didn’t come for comfort. Yes, Kalinda was a rock. She had always been a wall that wouldn’t crumble. But she didn’t need to fall into her arms and cry. She didn’t need any sympathy or someones protection. She smiled as she squeezed the investigators hand with a little more meaning behind it. They didn’t share much physical contact throughout their friendship. Both women preferring not to become too attached, even to a friend. It was a force of habit since the scandal broke. But at that moment, all Alicia wanted was physical contact. All she wanted was for someone else to be strong for a while. “I didn’t come here to hide, Kalinda,” she said. Alicia hadn’t always been the best at showing her emotions. Georgetown taught her to always wear her poker face. Never be vulnerable to your opponent. She didn’t want to be that person anymore. Hiding her emotions was what got her into the mess with Peter in the first place. “Do you remember telling me that you were a private person?”

Kalinda nodded. Remembering their first night drinking at their bar. They had won her first case at the firm. It was a good night as far as she was concerned. They laughed and talked, mostly about Alicia’s family and the scandal with Peter. Alicia had asked her if she was gay. She never gave her answer. Whatever answer she had decided to give at that time wouldn’t have satisfied the lawyer anyway. “I remember.”

Alicia had been making many important decision in the last few hours. Decisions that were going to effect her life and the lives of her children. Not that she hadn’t thought about those decisions long before they were made. She had been thinking about ways to change her life since the scandal broke. It hadn’t even been about Peter. Yes, she was wanting to protect her children, but it wasn’t about Peter. She didn’t love him anymore. She didn’t want him in her home anymore. She wanted to do what would make her happy. What she knew would make her happy. “I don’t want you to be private anymore,” she whispered, uncrossing her legs and pulling them underneath her. “Tell me.”

Kalinda saw where it was going. Understood what Alicia was wanting, but not sure she was wanting it for the right reasons. She loved Alicia. Loved her far more than she should considering the circumstances she frequently found herself in. Trusted her more than she had ever trusted anyone. But she didn’t know if Alicia loved her or wanted something to use against her husband. “I’m open,” she whispered. Kalinda leaned back against the pillows. Watching Alicia. Watching her face flush. The anger was slowly leaving her. But Kalinda saw something else in the usually poised lawyers face. “Why?”

Alicia knew what she was asking. Knew why she was asking. All she could remember was the look on Kalinda’s face when she turned around in court after making Stern stumble. That was the look that led her to the woman’s apartment. For the first time in years she felt that she was being seen for the first time. Someone was seeing her as a person; as a woman. And she wanted more of that. “This isn’t about Peter. This isn’t about the firm. This is about you and me,” she said. She was beginning to sound like the Alicia she was familiar with. Confident and assertive. Arguing her case effectively. Kalinda couldn’t help but smile. A real smile. One that the investigator only reserved for special moments. “I saw how you looked at me in court. You were proud of me. You knew how hard it was for me to put Stern through that; you knew how much it took out of me to do that. And you were right there waiting for me.” She reached for Kalinda’s hand. Pulling it into her lap. Intertwining her fingers with the investigators smaller ones. She was slightly surprised that Kalinda hadn’t pulled away from her. It wasn’t a normal interaction between the two. “You see me, Kalinda. You don’t see the wife that stupidly stood by her husband. You don’t see the mother of confused children. You just see me.”

Kalinda squeezed her hand. It was the most honest they had ever been with each other. It didn’t feel as terrifying as she once believed it would be. She had only shared herself with one other person, and that person had used it to put her through five years of hell. She didn’t make that mistake again; until that moment. She wanted to give Alicia everything. Everything she wanted to know. Everything she wanted to tell her. “I’ve always seen you, Alicia,” she said, raising their intertwined hands and noticing the ring was gone. Kalinda just stared at their hands for a moment. She could see Alicia smiling, but she couldn’t focus on her face. She had never taken the ring off. Not during the scandal and certainly not during the months that followed. The investigator could remember watching her twirl it while in meetings. Playing with it while waiting to speak in court. But she had never seen her without it. “I have to be honest. If you aren’t sure about this or you are looking for some fling I can’t be that for you.” Kalinda had never shed a tear in the lawyers presence. Always holding up that wall. Always appearing strong. But a few tears did fall, and she let them. She had nothing else to lose. “I care too much to be a rebound for you.”

Alicia squeezed her hand. Her other reaching up and wiping the tears that had fallen down the smaller woman’s face. She had taken the rings off before she had even gotten off her street. Not wanting to leave them in the apartment out of fear Peter would find them and blow up her phone all night. She wanted to keep it quiet until the morning. “You could never be a rebound. I’m not here for a cheap thrill,” she said as she reached behind Kalinda’s head and pulled the pin that was holding her hair in place. Watching Kalinda’s eyes drift closed as her black wavy hair fell around her shoulders. Alicia smiled, twirling her fingers around a few strands of hair. “I always wondered what you looked like with your hair down.”

Kalinda tucked the curls behind her ears. Trying to calm the fire that was beginning to burn in the pit of her stomach. She was fearful Alicia wouldn’t be her friend in the morning. She was terrified that she would realize that she had made a mistake and didn’t really want to leave her husband. “What are we doing, Alicia?” she whispered, keeping her eyes on their hands. 

Alicia tilted her head to the side. Wanting to catch the other woman’s glances. “I’m all in,” she whispered, pulling Kalinda’s hand back into her lap. The lawyer was learning so many things about the other woman in those moments. She was learning that Kalinda wasn’t as confident as she seemed to be. She wasn’t as brave as everyone thought she was.

Kalinda wanted everything the lawyer was saying to be true. Wanted Alicia to leave Peter and finally give her the chance. Wanted to finally have someone to wake up to every day. Wanted to go to bed with the same person every night. But there was still a fear. “What happens tomorrow?” she whispered, glancing up through her thick black lashes. 

Alicia moved closer to Kalinda. Her body brushes against hers. “I was hoping to take you to dinner tomorrow,” she said, brushing her fingers lightly over the other woman’s knuckles. “I’m all in, Kalinda. I’m not gonna change my mind in the morning. I’m not gonna suddenly go back to Peter. This isn’t something that just popped into my mind in the last three hours.”

Kalinda gained some of her confidence back that she had lost during the last several minutes. She believed Alicia. She had no reason not to believe that everything she was say was the truth. But she hadn’t seen it coming. She had worked with Alicia for almost a year. Had been to bars with her on several occasions. How had she not known that Alicia Florrick, her best friend, was also harboring a crush. “How long?”

Alicia knew the exact moment that her feelings towards Kalinda had changed. It was when Amber Madison had been calling the office, talking about her on every news station that would have her. She had been begging Peter to make her stop. Had cried to Eli for hours to make her stop. “You wanted to go after Amber Madison because Peter wasn’t handling it. It was the look on your face. You were hurt because I was hurt.”

“I would have made it disappear,” she whispered, meaning every word. Had every intention of keeping that promise until Peter finally made her stop. She had wanted to strangling the damn whore and Peter with her own damn hands. She was watching her friend fall apart for weeks when she believed no one was looking. It was tearing her apart on the inside, even if she didn’t show it. 

Alicia smiled. Remembering waking in the middle of the night from a nightmare and wanting to call Kalinda. She had always been craving her attention and touch, she just hadn’t realized it. “I know. You were the first person I believed had my back. I didn’t believe Will or Diane would standby and let my husband ruin the firms reputation. I didn’t believe Peter would do anything to make her stop. But I believed you.”

Kalinda squeezed her hand, searching for her own strength. Alicia was opening her soul to her. She needed to do the same. She needed her secrets revealed if Alicia was truly going to love her. “There are things about me you don’t know and if you did know them, I don’t think you’d feel that way.”

Alicia got up from the couch, holding up a finger for Kalinda to stay where she was. She dug through her bag and pulled out the file that she had found in her husbands things while she was unpacking. She slowly sat back down, taking Kalinda’s hand back in her own. “I love you, Kalinda. You’re my best friend. And there’s nothing you can tell me that is gonna change my mind about that. I already know everything.”

Kalinda’s heart began to race. Her entire body tensed. Her palms began to sweat. She knew what was in the folder. Her entire life was in that folder. The same life that was supposed to have disappeared. “What do you think you know?” She asked, wanting so badly to run away. 

Alicia’s eyes began to water. Her hands beginning to shake, but she still held onto Kalinda’s hand. She was terrified that bringing this information out now would end anything before it even started. Terrified that Kalinda would rather run. “Please, Kalinda,” she whispered, holding on to her hand tighter. “Please, lets just talk about it.”

Kalinda glanced at the folder in the lawyers hands, wanting to snatch it and run. But something in Alicia’s voice and eyes held her in place. The pain she saw reflected back at her in Alicia’s eyes held her in place. She took a deep breath. The thoughts in her head quieting. If Alicia already knew, it wouldn’t hurt her to talk about. It would be hurtful and embarrassing, but it wouldn’t kill her. “After this moment, promise me we won’t talk about it again?” She couldn’t have Alicia holding the information over her head for their entire relationship. She ran from a life before; she refused to relive it for someone elses amusement. 

Alicia nodded. She only wanted to do this once. It wasn’t a subject that needed to be brought up over and over again. She wanted Kalinda to stay with her. But everything needed to be out in the open before they started. She slowly opened the file and pulled out the drivers license. “Leela died in a house fire five years ago. It was believed to be arson, but it was never proven. Her body was unrecognizable to her family and friends. Her husband couldn’t be located for questioning. He was never seen again.” Alicia paused, setting the drivers license down on the table. It was clearly a picture of Kalinda only a few years younger. “Leela had been admitted ten times in three years for injuries to her face, ribs, and pelvis. She filled charges and restraining orders against her husband throughout their entire marriage. He had been arrested several times for domestic violence, but Leela never testified.”

A few angry tears fell from Kalinda’s eyes. Her face hot and flushed. “Leela wasn’t strong. She was so weak,” Kalinda hissed. Leela had been taught at a young age to be quiet and behave herself. She was married at sixteen to a bastard of a man. He abused her throughout their entire marriage. Threatened to kill her on several occasions. Was raped by his friends so man times she lost count. That was the circumstances that led to the creation of who Kalinda was. 

Alicia nodded, not agreeing, only letting the words be heard. That’s what Kalnda needed, for her story to be heard. “Leela worked for Peter while he was on a business trip in Canada. A consultant for an insurance company. Leela needed an escape from her abusive husband. She couldn’t find any way out. Peter offered her a new identity in exchange for sex.” Alicia pulled out the pictures that Peter had secretly taken and handed them to her. They were explicit. The lawyer didn’t watch as Kalinda flipped through the photos. She could feel the woman’s shame radiating from the investigator. “Kalinda Sharma showed up in Chicago five years ago. You worked at the State’s Attorney’s Office the first two years and came to Lockhart-Gardner at their first offer.”

Kalinda wanted to run. After hearing her own personal history, she hated herself even more. Her best friend had already been hurt deeply by the man that she believed loved her. At that moment, she was doing the exact same thing. “Why are you still here, Alicia?” she whispered, not realizing that the tears had begun. Not realizing how much fear was in her voice. 

Alicia threw the file on the floor. Knocking the pictures into the nearby trash bin. None of it mattered. It was in the past and on some deep level, she understood. Leela did what she had to do in order to survive. She was offered a way out. She couldn’t blame her for that. “I’m here because I know everything. I’ve known everything for months.” Alicia paused as Kalinda’s eyes found hers. “I’ve known what happened and it never changed anything. I never treated you any differently. I never looked at you differently.” She moved closer to the investigator. Invading her personal space. “I hate Peter for what he did to you. And I’m sorry, Kalinda. I’m sorry I didn’t know you back then. I’m sorry I never asked Peter any questions.”

Kalinda had worked hard to get the images of her one night with Peter out of her head. After seeing the photos he had taken, she would have to start the process all over again. “I didn’t know about the pictures.”

Alicia’s hand reached around and rubbed the back of Kalinda’s neck. Her thumb grazing her ear with every stroke. “I know you didn’t. But Leela is dead and Kalinda is still standing. I want Kalinda,” she whispered against her ear. 

Kalinda was careful not to move. Alicia was far too close. “This is gonna make both of our lives difficult, Alicia. I don’t think you’ve thought about the consequences.”

Alicia smiled. She had thought about every consequence. Everything that could happen to them at work. Although, she hardly doubted that Will or Diane would hold their relationship against them. She thought of everything that could happen with her children. How would they react? She knew her children would be angry for a while. But it was better for them to be angry for a short period of time instead of accepting the fact that their father can do whatever he wanted damn the consequences. She didn’t want her children covering for their father’s mistakes. Didn’t want her children physically harming themselves in order to keep their father at him. She wouldn’t risk their safety any longer. And ask for Peter, she didn’t give a damn what he thought. He didn’t have a shot in hell winning custody of their children going up against Diane. The Queen of Lockhart-Gardner would never allow that to happen. 

Alicia squeezed Kalinda’s hand, pulling her closer. The investigator almost straddling the attorneys thighs. “K, I have thought about every consequence that would come of this,” she paused, her hand moving from Kalinda’s neck to her waist, still inching her closer. “I’m still choosing you. I’m not worried about winning custody of the kids. Diane will handle that and I really don’t think Peter will fight it. If he does, Diane will take him down. Zach and Grace will except it in their own time. They already love you. Grace asks about you all the time. She thinks your so cool,” she laughed. A real laugh. One that she hadn’t experienced in a long time. “I won’t lie, Kalinda. It’ll probably be uncomfortable for a while. Peter is still running. The divorce will be public. I can understand if you want to protect yourself.”

The investigator smiled. Of course, Alicia would think about how everything would effect her. It amazed her that Alicia had put that much thought it a relationship with her without her ever knowing. “I always protect myself. News stations don’t scare me. I dodge news stations at every crime scene I cross.”

Alicia ran her fingers through Kalinda’s soft curls. She knew what the investigator was afraid of. She was afraid of the exact same thing. “You’re afraid I’m gonna leave,” she said.

Kalinda sat back on her thighs. Her hands in her lap, Alicia’s warm touch no longer warming her skin. “It’s a valid concern. You’ve only been with men. I am obviously not a man.”

Alicia laughed, pulling Kalinda into her lap quickly before she could fight her. Her hands tight on her waist. The investigators stockings scratching against her bare thighs. Feeling the smaller woman’s weight on her for the first time was intoxicating. “You have no idea how many women I had sex with in college,” she whispered in Kalinda’s ear. Moving her fingers underneath the fabric of the investigators blouse. “I married Peter because I fell in love with Peter. If I had fallen in love with one of those women or even Will, I would have married them. It’s as simple as that.”

Kalinda fought her body’s natural instinct to put her hands on Alicia’s body. She wanted her so badly. Leave it to Alicia to turn something that the investigator had once seemed complicated into the most simple explanation. “You’re making it very difficult for me to not do what I would normally do.”

Alicia lifted one of Kalinda’s hands to her face. Feeling her fingers against her cheek for the first time almost took her breath. “You don’t have to stop yourself anymore. I want you to touch me. I want you to do whatever makes you comfortable.”

Kalinda watched Alicia’s face as the investigator moved her fingers along her cheek. Feeling the soft skin of her neck. Kalinda’s walls had finally crumbled. She wanted to be raw with Alicia. Wanted her to see everything. Wanted her to feel everything she was feeling. “You can’t leave me, Alicia.” Her voice cracked as the lawyers name left her lips. Her fingers twirling in the lawyers hair. “If we start this...I can’t…my heart can’t...” she couldn’t finish. Instead, she pulled Alicia’s hand to her chest. Her heart beating fast under the lawyers hand. She wanted to convey everything in that one action, and by the look on Alicia’s face, she understood.

“Hey,” Alicia whispered, her hand wrapping around Kalinda’s neck, pulling her closer. She rested her forehead against the investigators. Nuzzling her nose with her own. She had never been that close to her so closed off best friend. Had never smelled her perfume that close to her skin. “I’m all in, K.”

A shiver ran through Kalinda’s body. A feeling developed in the pit of her stomach that she was unfamiliar with, but it wasn’t unwanted. “I really want to kiss you now,” she whispered against the lawyer’s lips. 

Alicia pulled her closer. A small gasp leaving her lips as the investigator’s nails ran along the nape of her neck. “No one’s stopping you.”

Kalinda took the green light before it was taken away. Her lips barely touching Alicia’s at first. Testing the lawyers eagerness before continuing. Her tongue traced Alicia’s bottom lip, silently begging for approval. When she received no resistance, Kalinda let her emotional walls crumbling. Covering Alicia’s mouth with hers. Her tongue tasting her best friend’s for the first time. Feeling her soft lips move against her own. It was something the investigator never thought she would feel. She could feel Alicia’s hands underneath her blouse, trying to work the material further up her waist. Could feel her cool fingertips against the small of her back. Kalinda pulled away, smiling. “We either need to stop or we need to relocate,” she panted. 

Alicia gave that sly, teasing smirk that turned the investigator on even more. It was a smile she had only received once before and hadn’t know what it meant at the time. It was that night at the bar, when Kalinda was suggesting she sleep with Will. “I vote for relocating.”

Kalinda didn’t wait for either one of them to change their minds. She took Alicia’s hand and pulled her in the direction of her bedroom. Once they crossed the threshold and closed the bedroom door, Kalinda paused. No one else had been in there. She had never brought a lover home with her. Never had anyone in her bed. It was her private space. She felt Alicia’s hand on her shoulder, unmoving. She glanced over her shoulder, looking at Alicia’s face. It showed concern. “It’s nothing,” she whispered. Wanting to take a step forward, but felt as if she were holding herself back. “No one else has ever been in here. I don’t...like people in here.”

Alicia held tight to Kalinda’s shoulder, unwavering in her dedication to stand by her as long as she needed. “We can go back to the living room. Nothing needs to happen right now.”

Kalinda shook her head. It wasn’t that she didn’t want Alicia in her bedroom. She was more terrified about the fact that she wasn’t uncomfortable. It was as if the lawyer belonged in her home, in her private spaces. “It’s not that,” she paused. Taking Alicia’s hand and walking her over to the bed. Nodding for her to sit. She wanted to be more open. Wanted to express her feeling better than she had been. “I feel something that I can’t explain. Something I haven’t felt before.” Her eyes leave Alicia’s for a moment. “I’m trying to describe it, but I can’t.”

Alicia allowed her heels to drop to the floor. She knew exactly what the investigator was feeling. “Feels like something is burrowing into the pit of your stomach?”

Kalinda walked to the bed, standing in between Alicia’s jean covered thighs. Her fingers trailing up the material. “You feel it too?”

Alicia nodded. She couldn’t remember the last time she had been so nervous and yet so comfortable with a lover. She couldn’t only remember the first time she had ever felt the coils and butterflies in her stomach. “The only time I ever had this feeling is when I lost my virginity.” Kalinda gave her an inquisitive look. “I lost my virginity at nineteen to my college roommate, Melissa. Three years before I met Peter or Will.”

Kalinda groaned. She had never groaned for any lover before. Alicia was making her want her more. Learning little secrets like how she lost her virginity was deeply inmate for her. “I really want to touch you now.”

Alicia nodded. The sly smirk reappearing as she moved her body to the middle of the bed. Making it easier for Kalinda. She didn’t need to tell her where she wanted her. She already knew. Kalinda needed the control. And Alicia didn’t mind giving that to her. “Come to bed, K,” she whispered, slipping her hands inside the hem of her t-shirt. Pulling the fabric over her head. Laying back on the pillows in her red lace bra and jeans. 

Kalinda’s eyes never left hers as she slowly pulled her blouse over her head. Revealing beautiful golden skin and a black lace bra. Her fingers fumbled with her skirt zipper before she pulled it down. Allowing the fabric to fall at her feet. Her black thigh highs attached to a beautiful black lace garter belt. Black lace material covering her hips. It hadn’t been planned. She was just fortunate enough to always wear sexy lingerie under her work clothes. It made her feel as if she were hiding a secret. But she didn’t care about herself in that moment. She was focused on Alicia. On how the red lace looked so beautiful against her pale skin. On how her black smokey eye makeup was still present from her time in court. It made her look like a seductress. Kalinda watched Alicia bite her lower lip, slowly lowering her hands to the button on her jeans. Trailing her fingers over her abdomen, popping the button free on her jeans, and slowly lowering the zipper. Her fingers playing with the hem of her panties, teasing herself. Her eyes still focusing on the investigators. “You just gonna watch?”

Kalinda couldn’t not watch. The red lace panties peeking out from her jeans was too distracting. Her fingers gently touching herself underneath the fabric. “Stop, Alicia,” Kalinda barely whispered. Alicia removed her hand. Kalinda crawled on the bed. Making a show of her hips swaying back and forth as she moved. “I’m not gonna fuck you, Alicia. That’s not what this is about.” Kalinda straddled Alicia’s hips, grinning when Alicia gasps due to her weight on her pelvis. “I’m gonna make love to you, Alicia. I want to touch you.” Kalinda leaned down, kissing her slowly. She didn’t usually do slow with any lover. But this was different. This was her last lover. The last person that she would ever touch. “This is special, Alicia.” The investigator took Alicia’s hand and placed it over her left breast. Her heart beat evident through the thicker skin. “We’re gonna take our time.” 

Alicia watched the woman that was on top of her. Her fingertips running along the black lace over the woman’s breast. She had never seen Kalinda look more beautiful. Her hair flowing over her shoulders. Her mouth slightly open. The lawyer couldn’t believe she had missed it for so long. Alicia wrapped her hand around her neck and pulled Kalinda down to her. Her lips barely touching hers. “Slow is good,” she whispered, capturing the investigators lips with her own. She tasted of mint and something that was distinctively Kalinda. A smell and taste she could never identify, but made her smile all the same. 

Kalinda broke the kiss first. Smiling as she descended to Alicia’s bare neck. Licking and biting at the lawyers pulsing artery. Leaving the skin slightly red. “I’m marking you,” she whispered in the lawyer’s ear.

Alicia moaned, arching her neck to give the other woman better access. “Mark me as yours, K,” she whispered, her hands tangling in the dark hair. Her hips bucking under Kalinda’s. She felt the investigator bite down harder on the skin. She was sure there would be hickeys there in the morning. And she wouldn’t cover them, not until she went to court. She wanted people to know she belonged to someone. She wanted everyone to know that the beautiful woman above her had claimed her. 

Kalinda trailed more kisses down her neck. Biting and licking her way down to Alicia’s chest. Pulling on the fabric with her teeth. Her hands trailing down to the jeans that still covered the lawyer’s legs. “Alicia, take the jeans off or I’m gonna have to replace them,” she groaned against her bra covered breasts.

Alicia pushed on Kalinda’s chest, her hands falling naturally to the investigators hips as she sat up. Her nose nuzzling the other woman’s. “You have to get off me for that,” she whispered, running her nails down her back. 

Kalinda crawled away from her, finally leaning back against the pillows and watching the attorney stand from the bed. She watched the other woman as she allowed the jeans to fall at her feet. “I’ve never wanted anyway they way I want you,” Kalinda said, as she slowly unsnapped the hooks on her garter belt. Making things easier for them later. 

Alicia smirked, crawling back onto the bed. Straddling the smaller woman’s thighs. Kalinda couldn’t have looked sexier. The flush on her chest and cheeks. The way her breasts moved slightly with every harsh exhale of air. “Do you always wear sexy lingerie to work?”

Kalinda blushed. The lingerie that she had chosen since Alicia had started the firm had become more provocative. “Didn’t use to. Started after you came to the firm,” she panted. Feeling Alicia’s fingers running along the underside of her breasts. 

Alicia moaned. Thinking about Kalinda choosing lingerie for her. Thinking about how many times she had been soaking wet while they worked late at night in the office. Kalinda always sitting a little too close. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

Kalinda was silent. She knew exactly why she hadn’t tried to seduce Alicia the minute she laid eyes on her, and it had nothing to do with her being married. “I was afraid,” she whispered, trying her best to conceal her emotions. “I never wanted you to know,” she said, trying to smile. “I never wanted to hurt you.”

“Hey,” she said, a little more forcefully than was needed. Waiting until Kalinda’s eyes connected with hers. “This is just you and me.” She kissed the now shaking investigator softly. “It’s just you and me, K.”

Kalinda was slightly surprised that Alicia was deciding to keep her promise. Not talking about what had happened between her and Peter was something she had become accustom to. But she assumed Alicia would be wanting to know everything that had happened between them. The old Alicia would have. Would have badgered her until she finally kicked her out of the apartment. But not the new Alicia. The new Alicia didn’t want to know details. She knew what had happened and that seemed to be enough for her. “I love you, Alicia,” she whispered, feeling the lawyers hands on her abdomen. 

Alicia used her forearms to brace herself on either side of Kalinda’s face. She kissed her cheek lightly. Feeling a few tears fall down her own. “I never thought I’d hear you say that,” she whispered.

Kalinda ran her hands up and down Alicia’s back. Flicking the bra clasp open with expert fingers, before smiling against the lawyers lips. Kissing the tears away. “I never thought I’d feel it.”

Alicia leaned back, her weight falling solely on the investigators pelvis. She slipped the bra from her arms, dropping it on the floor. She blushed under Kalinda’s gaze. Her nipples were painfully hard and a few shades darker than her pale breasts. She wanted so badly to touch herself. That’s what she did before she knew how the investigator felt. Instead, she took Kalinda’s hands in her own, bringing them to her breasts. Watching the investigators eyes turn black with arousal. Her thumbs slowly caressing the hard flesh. Alicia’s mouth falling open. “God, Kalinda,” she whispered. 

The investigator couldn’t help the smirk that spread wide across her face. Watching Alicia throw her head back, her mouth hanging open, her eyes closed. Kalinda’s fingers slowly and gently pinch both of the lawyers erect nipples. She felt a new flush of wetness flood between her legs as Alicia moaned loudly above her. Rocking her hips slowly against the lawyers. “God, you’re beautiful.”

Alicia, through her new haze of arousal, brought her hands up to cover Kalinda’s her eyes hooded. She slowly took a hold of her thin wrists and held them over the investigators head against the soft mattress. Her face close to her lovers. Her lips gently touching her nose. Smiling as Kalinda giggled. “I want you to keep your hands there for a minute,” she whispered against the other woman’s lips. She could feel Kalinda stiffen slightly below her, but she slowly lifted her hands anyway. Knowing the investigator wouldn’t move. “Just for a minute.” It was a test of trust. How much did Kalinda trust her. Giving up her sexual control, even for a minute, Alicia knew would be difficult for her. 

The attorney slowly climbed from the bed, Kalinda’s eyes following her, but she still didn’t move. Alicia wasn’t gonna touch her. That wasn’t what the minute was for. From what Alicia knew from her past, Kalinda needed the control in bed, and she understood. But that one minute, although not physically sexual, was emotionally exciting for her. Alicia stood at the edge of the bed, her eyes focusing on Kalinda’s face, as she slowly allowed her panties to drop to the floor. She had a secret to tell. She had her on insecurities. “I have a confession,” she whispered, climbing back onto the bed. “I don’t like making love with the lights on.” She saw Kalinda glance at the lamp on the side table. “No, Kalinda.” She laid beside her. Her hand trailing down the investigators body, her hands still above her head. “I’m uncomfortable with people seeing my body. I always have been. In my almost two decades marriage, we had the lights on a handful of times. But I asked you for something and I wanted to give something.”  
Kalinda was touched by the gesture. She thought she knew everything there was to know about the naked lawyer that was tangling her legs with hers. Alicia had told her everything at one point in time. Slowly, Kalinda lowered her arms. It had been well over a minute, but really she just wanted to touch the soft pale skin. Her fingers glided over Alicia’s back. “I’m...I’m afraid of thunder,” she said, with as much emotional control as she could muster. 

Alicia smiled, kissing the skin above her breast. “That’s okay….I’m afraid of mice.” The clever lawyer was taking in every word Kalinda offered her, but she was also fascinated by the goosebumps that developed on the investigators skin as her lips brushed her shoulder. 

Kalinda tried not to tense her body as Alicia’s lips touched her skin. She was beyond aroused. She was beyond seeing anything other than the beautiful woman that was lying in her bed. “Alicia...” she breathed. Her eyes almost black when the lawyer looked up at her. “As much as I love to hear you talk, I really need to touch you now.”

Alicia, with a sly smile on her face, rolled onto her back. Her hair failing around her face. Her hands resting by her head. “Go ahead,” she whispered.

Kalinda didn’t need anymore words. She was much better at showing then telling. Much more comfortable revealing her feelings through how much she paid attention to her lovers body. She loved Alicia. She had loved Alicia from the moment she had met her. She never believed the one person she had finally fallen in love with would actually love her back. She never believed she would touching Alicia’s body; tasting her skin. Kalinda slowly unhooked her bra and tossed it to the floor. Her nipples erect and becoming more sensitive with each passing moment. 

She watched Alicia’s face, her eyes becoming a dark green. A color she had never seen in the eyes of the lawyer. Her chest was flushed a light pink. The bite mark Kalinda had given her earlier was already turning purple. She ran her fingers down Alicia’s neck, running them down to her breasts, tracing light circles around each nipple. “I marked you,” she whispered with a sense of pride. Lowering herself to kiss the panting woman. Her tongue invading her awaiting mouth. Her hands scratching down her sides. “I wanna taste you,” she whispered against Alicia’s lips. She could feel more than hear the woman’s moans. 

Kalinda didn’t waste time waiting for her reply. She moved her way down Alicia’s body. Stopping only to take a nipple in her mouth. Her lips sucking on erect flesh. Alicia’s body arching against her. The moan that was released from the lawyers lips caused Kalinda to groan and bite down slightly on the nipple she was paying attention to. She moved further down her body. Using her tongue and teeth to mark the soft skin of her hip. She could already smell the sexy attorney that was spreading her beautifully pale thighs. The investigator settled herself between Alicia’s legs, blowing a breath of air against the already dark, wet curls. She didn’t waste any time before dipping her tongue into velvet folds. Getting her first taste of the sweetness she had been craving. It was a taste she would never tire of. She listened to the other woman’s moans, felt her hips move slightly searching for more contact. Kalinda braced a hand on her hip, pinning her to the mattress. She slowly found the lawyers center, inserting two well manicured fingers. All she wanted to do was watch Alicia’s face. Her mouth falling open as Kalinda slowly moved her fingers. Her tongue starting a torturous pattern around the lawyers enlarged clit. Causing the moans to become louder. Alicia’s hands entangling in her hair. 

Alicia was having a difficult time processing her breathing. Reminding herself to inhale. The pleasure that was coursing through her body was overwhelming. Her pelvis was on fire. Her legs were shaking. She pulled on Kalinda’s hair hard enough to get her attention. “Stop,” she panted. Quickly pulling her the other woman further up her body until she could feel her breath on her face. She could smell herself on the investigators lips. She pulled her closer, her lips locking her the other woman’s; tasting herself. Not for the first time, but it was the first time that it aroused her. She turned to her side, reaching down, playing with the side of Kalinda’s thong. The other woman’s fingers still moving slowly inside her. “Kalinda, take them off or I’m gonna rip them,” Alicia said, tugging on the material.

Kalinda smirked against Alicia’s lips. “Dare you,” she whispered with a grin. She heard the tear of the material and felt the tug of Alicia’s fingers on her hip. She watched Alicia’s face as she felt a hand snake between her legs. Alicia’s fingers circling her clit. “You’re good at this,” she breathed.

“You have no idea how many women I fucked in college,” Alicia moaned as Kalinda started curling her fingers inside her. “I want you to cum with me.” She moved her fingers faster around Kalinda’s clit, before slowly moving them inside her. She watched Kalinda’s face. Watched her mouth fall open. Her eyes drift shut. Could even hear her name fall from her lips. Kalinda was tight around her fingers. Her velvet walls stretching to accommodate the lawyers invasion. She was dripping down Alicia’s hand. “God, you feel...”

Kalinda just moaned her agreement. She wasn’t a vocal lover, but the pleasure that was coursing through her pelvis at that moment caused the investigator to lose some of that control. She moaned deeply into Alicia’s mouth as her hips began moving along with the lawyers talented hand. The fact that Alicia had torn her panties from her body turned her on even more. It wasn’t the normal passive Alicia behavior. She usually wasn’t aggressive. Kalinda knew she was gonna like the new side of her lover. 

Alicia could feel that familiar coil tightening in the pit of her stomach. She watched Kalinda’s face, her eyes still closed, but the moans that came from her lips caused her to move her fingers faster. Alicia kissed her roughly. Her tongue taking quick possession of her mouth. “I want to see you,” she gasped against her lips. She needed to see Kalinda’s eyes when she came. Needed to her to feel exactly what she was feeling.

Slowly Kalinda opened her eyes. It was more difficult than she thought it would be. But when her eyes connected with Alicia’s she felt that explosive spark. Her entire body was suddenly on fire. The pleasure coursing through her veins as she watched Alicia crumble along with her. It was the most powerful orgasm she had ever experienced. Between Alicia’s fingers buried deep inside her and feeling her walls tighten around her own fingers, she continued to fall. Crying out Alicia’s name and hearing hers in return. 

It took several long moments before both women finally relaxed against the pillows. Alicia slowly removing her fingers from between Kalinda’s legs. Making a show of sucking them into her mouth, watching Kalinda’s mouth fall open, and then slowly kissing her. Hoping she tasted herself on her tongue. Alicia was the first to break the kiss, nuzzling Kalinda’s neck, making a slight hissing noise as the feeling of fullness vanished. Kalinda wanted to taste Alicia again. Wanted to take her fingers in her mouth and savor the sweet taste of her. But she couldn’t. A fresh wave of fear began to hit her. She clutched Alicia’s arm tighter against her chest. It was the moment she had feared. What happened after? “Please don’t leave,” she whispered. 

Alicia tilted her head up. She had never seen Kalinda so relaxed and yet so vulnerable. She had a sleepy smile on her face, but her eyes still held that same Kalinda blank expression. She was still so fearful that Alicia would leave. That she would suddenly decide that everything that had just happened was a mistake. She moved closer, her legs entangling with the investigators. Brushing her fingers lightly down her face. “I’m all in, K.” 

It would take a while from Alicia’s words to reach the deepest parts of Kalinda’s brain. For her words to break down the walls that she had built around her heart. Alicia carried the responsibility of healing the parts of Kalinda that had been broken. Parts of her that she would probably never even know about. But she would do her best to heal them. To show her that love wasn’t supposed to hurt. Love wasn’t supposed to bring fear and pain. That was her job. And for Kalinda, she was all in.


End file.
